A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
