those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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