We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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