"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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