I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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