The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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