You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
