Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
