The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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