I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There's always time for handjobs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
