no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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