when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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