Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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