Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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