First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My ATM looks so different sober.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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