Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
