its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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