When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
