I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
