i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
