Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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