her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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