The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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