I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
