So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
