last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
