I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
