dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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