next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
