is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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