I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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