her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
