The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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