i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm just crazy horny about you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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