Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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