so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
