wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
