you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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