You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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