I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
