She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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