He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
