This dress was meant to end up on your floor
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
