Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
