I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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