i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
