I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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