College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
