I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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