you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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