I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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