The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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