Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i dont even know how to be here
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
