biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
