some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
