he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
