i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
