You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
