haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
