hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
