she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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