theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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