Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
false alarm, still single
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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