I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
