At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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