Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
