apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
