Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
