as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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