i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
