I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
