Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
