The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
