We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
